Found Lacking |
Random thoughts from the mind of me...welcome to my struggle, my delight, my insight, and my world. I hope you enjoy yourself on our little adventure. |
Jess and I watched “Lincoln” last week. Our reviews were different- I loved the entire thing and count it a cinematic masterpiece, Jess qualified it as “good” with an “enjoyable ending.” (The enjoyable ending being the abolition of slavery. Jess’ understated enthusiasm is noted!) I suppose the difference in our response is sorted out in our reading of books, particularly, biographies.
I love reading biographies of great people. It does not matter to me if they are Christian men or women, I am fascinated by what stirs the great people in history. I believe “Lincoln” to be a reasonably accurate, historical portrayal of one of history’s great men, hence my enjoyment. As we watched, a quote I read once from the true Lincoln passed around my mind-
“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.”
As I watched this film, and thought back on the lives of Lincoln, Hudson Taylor, Jonathan Edwards, George Whitefield, Winston Churchill, or other legends of whom I’ve read, I had one thought (speaks to my intelligence level)-
Not many of these men set out to be great. Their greatness was a combination of timing and conviction.
None of the honorable men in history set out to be great. Most of the people who started that quest ended as tyrants or dictators. These men set out with a great level of personal conviction that matched their times. Too many people today strive for empty greatness. Perhaps we should strive to be firm in our convictions, and greatness will emerge?
I believe this is why we have so few “great leaders” today. Everyone wants to be loved, and no one wants to be “true.”
It may be a surprise to some. Sunday, March 24th, I served my final Sunday at Olympia Metro Church. The last year has been one of the most joyous of my life, and having the opportunity to shepherd the little group that met at 618 Puget St. every Sunday morning was the source of innumerable blessings. But it was clear to Jess and me that it was time to move on and allow God to use that building in different ways. Here are some (not all) of the reasons why:
1) I have always struggled with the “calling” aspect of the job. I was constantly uncertain as to whether or not I was doing the right thing (vocationally). I, like most pastors, am “administratively challenged.” Seeing the world as a series of systems and excel sheets is not my gig, which made church planting extra difficult. I prefer to be with people and to teach the Bible.
2) I am not sure my view of “the church” is settled yet. I believe in the preached word of Jesus. I believe in the community that is committed to the proclaimed/preached Word, but also propelled by the Word into mission. There have been many internal conversations bouncing around for years, most of which are centered on- “Is the most effective way to reach lost people getting everyone together on Sunday morning for an hour and a half?” That is not to insult any church or person. These are the questions I am asking, and I have been asking them for a long time. I do know that the mission of reaching non-believers is ultimate in the Scriptures. Thus I want it to be ultimate in my life as well.
3) I have always been a bit of a “theological outlier” in the Assemblies of God. I am so humbled by the opportunity to plant a church. I am so thankful for the influence of Evergreen Christian Community and the Assemblies of God in my life. I would not be seated in a coffee shop in Olympia thinking of Jesus were it not for pastors and teachers in those communities. However, my convictions have always been on the outskirts of acceptability. It seemed wise to finally say goodbye.
4) I love being around people who don’t know Jesus. And working in “vocational” ministry that is harder than it should be.
5) A few months ago I read the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30. If you’re unfamiliar with this story feel free to go and read it. In short, Jesus tells a story of a master who gives his servants money. To one he gives five talents, to another two, and to another one- each according to his ability. Having grown up in the church and even taught this passage, I must have come across it 20+ times. But in reading it that day, I remember as clearly as ever the footnote- “A talent is equal to about 20 years wages.” 20 years! To one guy he gave 100 years wages, to another 40, and to another 20. And when the master came back, he asked the workers to give account of their usage of the talents. Two servants had doubled their talents and are rewarded. The third had lived in fear and hid his in the ground. He is punished. I wrote these words in my journal that day:
“Lord, if you were to give me twenty years in Olympia, how would I use them best to glorify you? How I long to hear the words, ‘Enter into the joy of your master.’”
It was that short. God began to speak to me through that moment and lead my family to the point we are at today.
On Sunday I resigned. Not for any funny business. Not for any sort of disagreement with Evergreen Christian Community or the Assemblies of God. But out of obedience to a loving Father.
At this point, Jess and I have no idea what the future holds. I’m persistently looking for work. But we know something that helps us hold fast in the middle of this strange season- That God is strengthening us with power through His Spirit so that Christ will dwell in us, and to the end that we will comprehend the height and depth and breadth and width of the Father’s love for us in Christ (Ephesians 3:16-19). We are thankful for this news.
David McCullough in his essay “No Time to Read?”
The account of the “Tower of Babel” in Genesis 11 is a strange one. The people are excited about their ability to build, so they want to build the original skyscraper. Their reason? “Let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.” (11:4) Their plans are quickly halted as God “comes to see” their building. His response is equally strange- “This is only the beginning of what they will do. And nothing that they propose to do will be impossible for them…Let us go down and confuse their speech, so that they may not understand one another.” (11:6-7)
I’ve heard this story from childhood. What’s the reason for God’s disdain on this great building? Look back a few chapters-
Gen. 9:1- “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth.”
Gen. 9:7- “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it.”
Gen. 1:28- “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it.”
God’s purpose in creating was to cover the earth with a people made in His image. He had made the entire thing to be enjoyed for his glory, but the people in Genesis 11 wanted to stay in one place. They were disobedient.
This perfectly sets up Abram’s story in Genesis 12. A true missionary, God says, “Leave here. Take no one with you. I want you to be a blessing to the whole world!” And Abram obeys. “Fill the earth…” sounds similar to Jesus’ last command- “Go, make disciples of all nations…” Fill the earth with people who are formed in my image. That was God’s plan in the beginning. It’s His plan now. Will you obey? Or will you build a tower in one place saying, “Let me make a name for myself.” Fair warning, God will never allow your tower to stand. He loves you too much to do that.
“He had loved before, in a more or less boyish way, but this was different. A light beyond the brightness of the sun had risen upon him. It flooded all his being. Everything he thought, felt, and did seemed permeated with the sense of that other life- so much a part of his own. He could not separate himself in thought from her, and when he was most consciously near to God, he felt the communion of her spirit, the longing for her presence most.
In everything she satisfied his mind and heart, not only embodying his ideal of womanly sweetness, but being herself devoted to the work to which his life was given. As one who, having put his hand to the plow, dared not look back, he could rest in the assurance that she would help and not hinder him in his special service.”- Dr. Howard Taylor, “The Spiritual Secret of Hudson Taylor,” pp. 126-127
You have always been a help and not a hindrance. Those words sum up perfectly the last two years of our life together, and the confidence instilled in my own heart in our dating months to marry you. I have, no doubt, been the most fortunate of men to win your heart. Many suitors more fit than myself tried, but God, in His infinite mercy, sewed my heart to yours. In clarity I am forever grateful. To have embarked upon the greatest challenge of our young lives as missionaries to this strange city, my soul does rest in our dear Lord, but alas at His wisdom in giving me a place to rest in my home! Returning home to my dear wife, with that sweetness of spirit and temperament that are undeniable rejuvenates me for this adventure of soul winning!
I have no doubt that the years to come will only hold more sweet memories. Tiny jewels that, stored properly, will carry us through the difficult days. I have “treasured up all these things in my heart, pondering them” (Luke 2:51) as the days go by, knowing that one day I will return to the shelves of memories long kept, reliving each, like opening boxes of storage. Each holds value in the things it triggers.
I am ever thankful. You are my wife. There is not another I desire. Nor is there another that so perfectly suits me. There are many private letters which I have penned, but “this dedication is for others to read. These are private words, addressed to you publicly.” (T.S. Eliot)
“A Dedication to My Wife”- T.S. Eliot
To whom I owe the leaping delight
That quickens my senses in our wakingtime
And the rhythm that governs the repose of our sleepingtime,
The breathing in unison
Of lovers whose bodies smell of each other
Who think the same thoughts without need of speech
And babble the same speech without need of meaning.
No peevish winter wind shall chill
No sullen tropic sun shall wither
The roses in the rose-garden which is ours and ours only
But this dedication is for others to read:
These are private words addressed to you in public.
I love you, my love…and will as long as God grants me breath. Forever-
Yours,
J
Nothing, and I mean nothing, we can say would describe the evil in Newtown, Connecticut today. Nor could it bring comfort to the families that grieve precious little ones lost. We should not try. We, as a people, should weep with them. We should pray for them. We should hurt. Something is horribly wrong with our world. We all agree on a day like today.
I am deeply grieved. My heart is shaken by the depth of evil in this story. My tears and angst and mourning and prayers are with people I have never met, in a town I have never been to, over an evil we have all felt. Come, Lord Jesus…
“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.” (1 John 2:19 ESV)
One of the biggest knocks on missional living I hear is that, “Christians don’t get discipled/fed.” 1 John 2 is calling bologna this morning! Let’s make sense of that verse-
“They went out from us…” A group of believers goes out to proclaim the gospel through word and service.
“But they were not of us…” They were a part of our community, but they weren’t a part of our community. We hung out together, but they weren’t a part of Christ’s family.
“If they had been of us, they would have continued with us…” The mark of Christianity is maintained mission. They started out on the mission, then they became the mission. They started out with us, then they stayed behind.
Don’t miss the end- “But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.” The reason they went out with us, in the sovereignty of God’s plans, was to reveal to all of us that they weren’t REAL! We had no way to tell if they were believers otherwise. There is no tattoo you get, second puberty, or some other drastic physical change when you become a believer. John says, “Hey, we thought they were believers. But they weren’t. It’s a good thing we went out, or we never would have known!”
Life on mission reveals the state of hearts. If you have people professing Jesus who begin the mission with you but then tap out because they are selfish and want to serve themselves- that’s telling you something about their hearts. Something you can speak to. THAT’S DISCIPLESHIP. If you have people professing Jesus who refuse to serve, and bless, and love others- that tells you something about their hearts! Far more than they’d be willing to tell you over a coffee as they describe their devotional life.
Mission reveals hearts and gives a community a chance to speak to the reality of a person, not the perceptions we carry. Get on mission.
Over the last 8 months, I’ve had the privilege of teaching through the book of 1 Corinthians. We will finish in three more weeks. In December, I will teach a class through on the book of 1 Corinthians. My heart has poured over this book more often than my computer screen in recent months, and for good reason.
If I were to title the book of 1 Corinthians by theme, I would simply call it, “The Nature of True Spirituality.” Paul’s letter is a response to 2 things:
1) A report issued to him by a group of people after they visited Corinth.
2) A letter he had personally received from the Corinthians.
The 16 Chapters he pens are full of rebukes, instruction, theology, ecclesiology, and pastoral concern. And the church today needs them just as much.
The reversal that took place in the Corinthian church was an “internalization” of the gospel. The Corinthians heard the true gospel, believed it, and then subtly shifted to believing a lie- that Christianity is about us- or, primarily, ME. We believe these things as well. That’s why we base our “choice” of a church family on cliches like:
1) “I just need to go somewhere I can be fed.”
2) “The worship (music) just wasn’t right.”
3) “The preacher wasn’t funny enough.”
That list could go on. But if we were to shorthand all of them we would simply say, “I wanted this for ME, but since I couldn’t get this for ME, I am taking ME somewhere else.”
Paul’s correction is swift, firm, and thorough. In the first nine verses he names Jesus none times. He opens by saying, “First Jesus, then Jesus, and after that Jesus, then some more Jesus…” It is a complete undercutting of the Corinthian notion of Christianity.
Their concern was primarily social ascension. They wanted to be part of the “in crowd,” and that idolatry expressed itself through:
1) Overbearing Desire For Wisdom- Gather as much information from the best teachers all over so you could converse with the elite.
2) Obsession with Spiritual Gifts- Demonstrate physically that you are on “God’s varsity” through expression of gifts.
3) Exclusion of the poor from Communion and Meals- Spend most of your time hobnobbing with the rich and powerful.
4) Belief in Different Forms of Heresy- The fact that Christ was crucified for our sins and was raised again three days later is old news. What else ya’ got?
Powerfully, Paul rejects their heresy that Christianity is about how much I can learn, how much I can get, how many friends I have, or what gifts I exercise. Rather, he concludes that Christianity is about the glory of Christ. That glory is shared in word and shown in deed. Sharing through “preaching Christ, and Him crucified!” And shown through self-sacrificing service. Loving others more than myself. Any other suggestion is ludicrous and has departed from the self-sacrificing love of Christ’s cross.
This is a good book, friends. It’s not a “gimmicky” book about anything other than the gospel. It has changed my life over the last eight months. I pray you’ll read it and struggle with it and hang onto it for dear life that it may change yours.
Since taking over a small church, establishing a new direction,and leaving the previous flock I was privileged to shepherd, the question I have heard most often is, “How is the church going?”
I’m always faced with a choice in answering this. What are they asking? Well, most of the time, they are asking me how our 501(c)(3) is going. How is your non-profit organization? Meaning, do a lot of people attend your gathering? Are those people giving? And that’s as far as we’ll get.
Most of the time, I don’t answer that question. Most of the time, I answer the question they asked-“How is the church?”
“Well, they are great! We have seen some of them repent, some of them grow in grace, some of them starting to live on mission, and some of them run from the mission God has called them to.”
This makes people uncomfortable. I am usually greeted with “well how many people do you have?” When I answer 65-70, they get more uncomfortable and wonder why we’re so small. Then (this is a long hypothetical conversation), we move to- “Do you have a youth group? A men’s ministry? A women’s ministry? A small group ministry? A fantasy football ministry? A night gathering? A mountain biking club? A benevolence fund?”
My answer to all of those things is always no. No youth group. No men’s ministry. No women’s ministry. No small groups. No. No. No. No.
Then comes my favorite question- “Well, what do you do all week?”
Sarcasm wants to answer, “Nothing! Ha! I’m a pastor, I have coffee dates and read books in between long periods of meditation/naps.”
When I tell people we “are” missional communities, we don’t “do” missional communities, they are generally perplexed. So let me explain-
1) We don’t do affinity groups. That’s groups for men, women, teenagers, old people, or Koreans. Why? Because I believe that we all need to be learning from one another. Men need to learn from women and children and teenagers. I pastored teenagers for a long time in isolation. They’re scary. They need the wisdom of our elderly, the energy of our young adults, and the strength of our marriages. Our old people need the energy of our kids and the passion of our teenagers. Our women need the strength of our men. Our Americans need the work ethic of our Koreans (I couldn’t include them in the beginning and not in the examples!). We need each other.
Now that doesn’t mean that men don’t need other men or women other women. We gather men together to encourage each other and talk about dude things and women as well. But we want to be able to speak the gospel to all ages. Imagine how effective a missionary you would be if you could speak the gospel to anyone between the ages of 1-99 (Infants and triple digits excluded)? Instead, we teach people to be “specialists,” when life doesn’t happen “specially.” My neighbors are mixed ages with children. I want to be able to hang with all of them.
2) We are MISSIONAL COMMUNITIES. In other words, we are a people impacted by the gospel, living life as family together, as servants to a broken world, and as missionaries to our neighborhoods. “A family of missionary servants (who make disciples who make disciples).”
This means we don’t plan and organize a midweek gathering at our building. We train leaders to have people in their homes all week. Do they study the Bible? Sure. They also live out the mission of the Bible by serving their neighbors, neighborhoods, and others around them. I would say being a “doer” of the Word and not simply a “hearer” of the Word is a great way to study the Bible (James 1:23-24).
3) This doesn’t mean that I don’t care about “numbers.” As a human, I really want people to show up and hear me teach. But I don’t think the best way to reach non-believers is to hear me teach. I think the best way to reach non-believers is to train people to live amongst them, showing them Jesus through serving, and sharing Jesus with their mouths.
I want everyone I meet to know Jesus. And I want our church to grow through people who “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8) by rubbing shoulders with others.
If we are honest, most “church growth” is simply re-configuring numbers. Christians migrating from one place to the other. That’s not bad. But it’s also not the mission.
Deep inside all of us lies a simple belief- “I am important.”
Maybe it is our kindergarten teacher, or maybe it’s the way we were made. We compare GPA’s with former classmates making more money than us. We look at people accomplishing much, and our little pile of stuff pales in comparison. We all believe we were made for more than we’re doing now.
We are right.
But there is a certain wrongness to our rightness. As we all sit and dream of what that significant role looks like, our minds are filled with visions of grandeur! We are at the center of a world changing non-profit! We are stopping world hunger! We are on the red carpet making movies! We are millionaires and everyone is watching…because, after all, we are important.
The infuriating part of the way God made the universe is this- you are important, but important to God’s glory and not your own. The vision in Scripture is not everyone gathered around you with lights and cameras and recorders trying to catch a quote. The vision in Scripture is EVERY living thing around the throne of God. EVERY LIVING THING.
“[13] And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying,
“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!” “(Revelation 5:13 ESV)
There is only one truly significant person- Jesus. And in the end we will all gather around Him, and snap pictures of Him, and ask Him questions, and tell everyone of His generosity and mercy and love and beauty and significance.
That sense of importance that we all have- it’s because we were made to be a part of the most significant mission of all time- the glory of God. And that, friends, means that in the freedom of our own insignificance we find true importance- the furious longing of God for His glory.
